Naked Bat Signal...Or the post in which Kathi talks about the bathroom stuff

I believe there is a conspiracy afoot.  Well, I believe there are lots of conspiracy's afoot, but I won't torment you all with that...for now.  The conspiracy I am here to discuss is what I like to refer to as the "Naked Bat Signal".  Confused?  Ya well, it's been a long day, so bear the hell with me mmmkay?  Do you remember the old Batman show?  Ok, no one really remembers it, because well, were not all 80, but everyone has watched the reruns on Nick at Night.  Remember the Bat Signal?  Someones in peril, the signal goes out?  Any of this making any sense?  Just go with it..

I don't know why, and frankly I don't care, but I'm fairly certain that there is some kind of similar supersonic signal that goes out to children when Mommy is either A - In various stages of undress, or B - and I'm apologizing in advance here for all you delicate flowers in the audience, Trying to wipe her ASS or um other naked, girly, parts (sorry mom)!  Jesus!  I mean really...they can both be way the hell downstairs and somehow, the sound of me unzipping my damn pants must echo in there wee brains, forcing them to scramble up the stairs to me in record time.  They barge through the door and just stand there, most likely hypnotized in horror.  "Um, guys, I'm trying to get changed, can you give me a minute?!?"  "It's no problem mom, I'll just sit here" says Sam who then hops on my bed to 'wait for me'.  Meanwhile, Gracie is hanging onto my pants which are now around my ankles chanting, "mama nurse? mama nurse?  MAMAMAMAMAMANURSEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" and then collapses on the floor in a heap of tears. 

Where the hell is these kids father?!?!  Oh yeah, he's laughing at me, I forgot for a second.  Having lived through that, we proceed with our day.  Until...yep, I admit it.  Occasionally, I do have to friggen pee.  And clearly, the minute I go into the bathroom all the other bladders in the house must join in the reindeer fun.  Once again, Sam barges in and stands there, "I hafta pee" he says, not moving.  "Yeah?  Well, I'm still currently peeing and would like to pee in PRIVACY!" I screech, having reached my limit.  My darling boy turns, slams the door in his tiny, one year old sisters face and yells, "LEAVE MOM ALONE GRACE, SHE'S PEEING AND WILL NEED TO WIPE HER VAGEENA!!"  Loud enough for all the neighbors and any aircraft that might be in the tri state area to hear.  Mind you, he's still sitting there on the side of the tub, pleased that he's helped me preserve my dignity.

Clearly, tomorrow, I'm going to have to buy a body stocking, a catheter, and hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of therapy.